*I've been guided to be more vulnerable, so here goes...
Over the last 8-12 months, I've been facing many unforeseen challenges and to simply put it, I'm STRUGGLING to make ends meet, find work, and book clients. I've been doing my best to keep my head up, courageously pursuing new avenues of interest, such as astrology, teaching a branding course, starting a YouTube and TikTok channel, but the projected forecasts of society and other people's personal financial concerns have caught up to me.
Although I am here to serve, it doesn't mean I don't deserve to be abundantly paid and resourced. There's often a unfortunate concept in creative and spiritual spaces that because you're doing something you love, it should be free. What is missed is the fact that no one, NO one thinks twice about paying doctors, lawyers, dentists, accountants, pilots, nail and hair artists, etc. I NEVER understood how this question even made sense. EVERYONE deserves to be paid for whatever they do!
The biggest lessons I've learned over the last year, I didn't see my worth or value, therefore others didn't either! Many years I allowed myself to be overworked and underpaid as well as mistaken my kindness for weakness. I would open the door for people to pay me what they could afford, pay me late, and pay nothing always being considerate of other people's circumstances in the name of "integrity." What I realize now is putting other people before me is both self-sacrificing and martyrdom.
What I experienced when I started asking for what I deserved and started voicing my needs, boundaries, and what I no longer am willing to accept, I received lots of pushback, nasty responses and DMs, which equated to NO paid work! What I still receive is people asking me to "collaborate" by trading my services for free in exchange for exposure, all while saying they are supporting my business... AND THIS... let me tell you! I recognized people DO value what I bring to the table because they can SEE my gifts and expertise, but they damn sure don't value me enough to pay me my worth, maybe because of their own lack, fear, and limits, but THIS.... this was a ME problem! I realized I gave so much in the past for free, it was an EXPECTED standard! Over the last several months, I began to ask myself, "What have I done to manifest these lessons and people in my life?"
Looking deeper into my own Tropical and Sidereal birth chart. I have a stellium in the 3rd House tropically, and the stellium shifts into the 2nd House in my sidereal chart. What does this mean? Speaking up for myself (3rd H) and knowing my worth and value (2nd H) are part of my lessons with the stellium that stays consistent in the 6th House relating to work and health in both my charts. In order for me to be self-sufficient, I have to KNOW and TRUST I am worthy of my own success. Leaning and leading in this path has not been without lots of fears, doubts, tears, meditation, journaling, plant medicines, and investing thousands of dollars I didn't have into my healing and expansion.
People believe I'm confident for the mask I've put on in the face of difficulties, sometimes feeling unworthy of help, feeling like my issues are burden, with a heart that has been hurting for a long time. Honestly, I'm tired of being strong. I'm tired of being able to provide advice, encourage everyone around me to go after what they desire, and yet stuck in my own suffering. I often feel like a fraud because the truth is... I need help too! I need a job. And I deserve to be FULLY resourced as do you! It's our birthright!
With that being said, if you've made it this far, gratitude for reading my truth.
Last but not least, I am actively seeking work! Please feel welcome to explore my website and see if there is a role I may fulfill based on my expertise!
